


Feeling Real Swell

by doc_boredom



Category: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: Gen, feat. 1920s slang from google and shitty spanish, just feel good fun, miles has a big ol familia made up of his parents and his extended spider friends, shenanigans in the park
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-14 23:13:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17517647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doc_boredom/pseuds/doc_boredom
Summary: He sighed then, wistful in that over the top way of his. “Halcyon days those were, Miles Morales. Nothing quite like them anymore.”“The real McCoy.” Miles offered, not knowing if it was the right thing to say.Noir chuckled. "Couldn't have said it better myself."-Once upon a time this was a gift for someone, but they're not my friend anymore. But I can't bear the idea of deleting it, so please enjoy.





	Feeling Real Swell

“So... _this_ is your idea of a fun time?”

A lot was going on in that moment. Noir was out of costume, and while he didn’t look weird per se there was something about him didn’t seem quite right- and it wasn’t just the fact that he was full on monochromatic in Miles’s technicolor world either. His infamous fedora and trenchcoat were nowhere to be found, replaced with a crisp white shirt that was tucked into his pressed slacks and pinned up at elbows, the look pulled together by a pair of dark suspenders that Miles actually really dug.

“Miles.” When the older man said his name it felt like he ought to be saying ‘son’ instead, which he didn’t mind at all. “Not to be crude, but you wouldn’t know a good time if it came up and bit you in the ass. It’s not your fault, of course.” He touched his shoulder, smiling his sympathies. “It’s all those screwy mobile phones that this universe has. This here though is the real McCoy.”

“Harsh.” The teen muttered under his breath, not even bothering to ask for a translation. It was usually more trouble than it was worth in the end when it came to Noir. Besides, Miles had bigger, better questions that he wanted answered instead. “No disrespect Mr. Noir, but you gotta understand. That’s just...” _La llanta_ , he very nearly said before he corrected himself back into English. “A tire!” A larger than life, straight off the farm tractor tire! Like, what was he supposed to do with that?

Noir gave a snort, and leaned back, lacing his fingers over his stomach casually. “Just a tire!? Kid, this isn’t just a tire.” Why did this conversation have the same energy as that one episode of Spongebob with the Krusty Krab pizza and the rock? “This is a bonafide-” Oh, yup, there it was. “Treat! When I was your age, my schoolmates and I would sneak onto the Mattherson farm and roll each other down the hill until the sun started to set.” He sighed then, wistful in that over the top way of his. “Halcyon days those were, Miles Morales. Nothing quite like them anymore.”

“The real McCoy.” Miles offered, not knowing if it was the right thing to say.

Noir chuckled. “Couldn't have said it better myself. Anyways, that’s not the point I’m trying to make." Then what exactly was he trying to get at, Miles groaned. "I’m not a young man anymore, but you are. This here is a right of passage.” He informed Miles as he brought his hand down against the rubber, not seeming to notice how it bounced. Miles did though. It seemed like a bad idea more than anything, the more he thought of it. What would his mom say, or his dad, or Gwen for that matter?!

Okay, scratch that, Gwen would already be tumbling down the hillside, screaming like a banshee all the while, having the time of her life.

“If it’s so great why don’t you do it!” Miles blurted, his nerves getting the best of him. Noir blinked at him from behind his glasses before reaching up to take them off. “Wait, what’re you-”

“Hold my cheaters for me, will you Miles?” He nearly fumbled the thin wire frames as they were dropped into his hands. No, no way. _Imposible._ “It’s been a very, very long time since I’ve gone and done this.” He rolled his shoulder and cracked his neck to the left and right, letting out a satisfied groan as he did. “Now, like I said, I’m not a young man anymore…”

“I was _kidding_!” 

“But how could I ever pass up on the opportunity?”

“NOIR!” His voice cracked.

He bent his body into the tire and glanced out at Miles from his hunched position, smiling through his seemingly permanent 5 o’clock shadow. “You don’t have to do this.” Miles said with a nervous laugh, hoping that this was the end of the joke.

“I’m no wet blanket, Miles.” Noir informed him before pushing off.

If he had been anyone else it wouldn’t have worked. The tire was too large and heavy and so was he, but Noir had his spider strength, and that meant that he was already rolling away and _fast_ , the scream of ‘HALCYON DAYS!’ echoing in his wake, like some kind of ass backwards Stan Lee ‘excalibur!’ Miles threw his hands up with a shriek, unable to do anything but watch in horror as he kept going and going, gaining even more speed as he did. “NOIR!” Miles screamed after him before starting to run, realizing he couldn’t just stand here and watch any longer. “STOP!”

Either Noir couldn’t hear him or didn’t want to, but there was the fact that he had veered off his original planned course substantially and that he was coming onto the nearby park pond _fast_ . There were people now too of course, unsuspecting park patrons on this lovely day, barely managing to jump out of the way and screaming at the top of their lungs. Leave it to a Spiderman to cause some kind of chaos in New York, even on his day off. “NOIR!” Damn bastard’s Spidey Sense should have gone off at this point, right? “PETE! _PENDEJO! MIERDA!_ WATCH OUT!”

But it was too late.

The tire hit the edge of the grass and flew over the water for a blissful moment before it came crashing down with a tremendous, tsunami-like splash. Miles very nearly followed suit as he came to a skidded stop at the water’s edge, but he caught himself in time, watching his panicked reflection waver back at him. “ _Dios mio_ , don’t be dead. Peter’s gonna kill me if you’re dead.” What were the repercussions of killing another person outside of their set universe? Did it even matter? What if they were all gonna die-!

Something bubbled at the top of the water and without warning, Noir surfaced with a laugh, his dark hair slick over his eyebrows, his eyes alight as he spat pond water from his mouth. “Now _that’s_ how you make whoopee, Miles Morales. God damn. Let’s do that again!”

And in that moment, despite the fact that it had been pure chaos, Miles found himself beginning to smile as he held his hand out to the other.

“Okay, but this time, I get to go, and we roll down the other side.”

Noir took his hand and squeezed it tight. “Sounds like a deal, son.”


End file.
